Each Saturday I work in a clothing store.
It’s always a long day of work, long hours of standing on my feet.
It’s only a student job for me, a way of earning money for my own leisure, no pressure/ responsibility attached. Money I can spend on my own terms. Hard earned for sure.
But non the less for my own leisure, no responsibility-attachments.
But for some workers there, it is their regular job. Responsibilities-attached. Their income. Money that pays the rent or gets food on the table.
What I have realized working there for quite a while now is: it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It has made me appreciate my college studies even more. That I have the opportunity to aim higher. To reach for the stars (as a matter of speaking…). To pursue the studies or careers I am interested it, that will challenge me, that will fulfill me in the long run. I have all that handed to me. All that’s left to do is grab what’s given and make the most of it.
Live at the maximum of my capacities.
Now being a student, studying language-literature, people often ask me “What can you do with your studies later?” And nowadays it has become a dreaded question for me. Because I don’t know myself. “You can be a teacher.” That is a truthful enough answer. And something like: “Yeah companies are always hiring linguists etc.” is another one.
But truth be told, there is no specific answer to that question. Maybe I am not well-informed? Or maybe there are so many answers to that question: Teacher, radio, newspaper, magazines, museums, publishing houses, companies and other tons of possibilities. I have all those possibilities. I have the freedom of choice. I am not stuck in a non-stop train, heading somewhere with a tunnel vision.
Of course I can’t become a doctor or an architect all of a sudden.
But altogether there are a lot of possibilities within my field of education.
Language is the foundation of our civilization, isn’t it?
Another think I have come to realize is: change is permanent.
Whether it be your outfit, you appearances, dreams, hopes, goals: they can change. If there is one thing certain in life, that would be change. The same goes for “the dream job”-concept. It is an illusion. It is temporary. It is change on its own.
My dream job a few years ago is not my dream job today, which might not be my dream job 5 years later.
When I think of my dream job now, it would be something like “travelling the world, writing stories/ adventures for National Geographic Traveler” of “being a digital nomad & earning money”. But again, that is my dream job right now, in this very moment of me being a 21-year-old with silly hopes and dreams in the corners of my mind. And when people ask me “What do you want to do later?” here is my answer: “Heck, I don’t know. I would love to work in a publishing house or explore being a translator or a writer.”
Once again that is my dream job now, at this very moment.
And as we all know that people change, so do dreams, while you grow up.
So may be I’ll get to be all those throughout my life: an editor, a translator and a writer. May be I won’t be any due to change of dreams and aspirations within a few years. And that’s okay.
It’s okay as long a I keep aiming for something at each present of my existence. As long as I keep working hard to achieve it no matter how small the goal. That I don’t give up or feel like I can’t do it.
When I was a young girl I literally believed everything was possible. But than through the end of high school and first two years of college, something changed. I was broken somehow. All those pretty smart kids around me, wrong study choice etc. made me feel worthless. I felt like a failure and headed towards burn-out/ depression. I realized that I had never really felt that self-confidence, at least not 100% consciously. I was stuck with that feeling as if I had drifted through high school without fully being conscious of myself as an individual with a personality. Without growing as a person.
But things are changing. I am changing. I am more aware. Not only about my surroundings but also about myself. And more importantly I believe in myself. And that feels wonderful.
I would like to end with one of my favourite poems called “The road not taken” by Robert Frost.